well this would be a post that should have been long written ago.
sometimes i really wonder how strong and powerful the brain or mind is.we can think of anything.That is our imagination.anything u want to happen anything u want is through the mind.but we can always say that is untrue that is fake.but then again what is real?things that happen physically?no.actors that are tycoon that are rich and powerful are not true.this may just sound like bull shit of course we know what happen in show is unreal.but then have we ever thought of what is happening to us in"reality"is real?a rich person a strong person handsome,pretty whatever that is.the experience we have.how we know the difference between illusion and the reality?One person driving a Lamborghini and another driving a proton imagining he is driving a Lamborghini,other then the speed if they just close their eyes not driving but feeling the car they do not really matter.this example sucks.but how about this.you look into your computer screen you see a image, you watch a show or play a game on it.now if you were to just close your eyes or better just switch off the computer.do the same thing again just visualize that the screen is the same.you would get the same thing.now then what is reality?
Just some load of senseless crap that people can ponder on and hopefully someone can get my idea and express it out in a better way.well then again another point i want to point out is.people say aim high be focus and all this to be successful.but then again how do we really aim high and be focus if we do not have a target in mind.For some maybe i can say have too many targets that only one could be achieve.What i mean by this is then many people including myself have dreams but they always remain as dreams not because we do not set about to achieve it but we do not know how.sounds stupid.but what if i say my dream is i want to be the richest man or maybe just say i want to make a few million bucks and retire.not really hard given that there are so many millionaires out there.the target is clear to make a few million.but is that a target u can just get?well do not say just buy toto or hit a jack pot simple.what we want is actually the pathway that leads to it.this is not like a place where u can see and can just walk straight towards it.this is like looking at the sun and say i want to go to the sun.Thus the reason for saying there is no target is not that we cannot see the end but we cannot see the process.perhaps this is one of the reason why some say the process is more important then the end.cause the person at the end is able to shine the light on the process that leads to him.
alright another outpour of all my thinking again .sometimes i really hope a person can look into my mind and then able to properly and clearly help me write out or express out all my thinking
well few weeks or months have pased again and now i am making my next post.really wonder if anyone ever read what i read and though bout what i said.
well anyway this year have an eventful ending by the next financial crisis.this time rounf is due to the over heated property selling or mortgage by the uncle sam or something.in all this crisis started from a mess the uncle sam made.people wanting to make money from money they don earn to make it in layman term actually.
hey but actually this crisis i actually needed or should be expected as a tool to stabalise and bring a solution to that rapid inflation the world is seeing the pass year.first we see oil prices going to never before seen or believed number that it would go.next is the food going up like nobody business.to say the truth if this crisis din happen everyone will slowly become bankrupt or enter poverty with no idea why it happen.becoming poor not because of no job or lost their money one way or another but becoming poor because of the rising cost of living.hmm think in my next post will be about my new year resolution about wat i want to achieve before my ord
well well all this time in our life,when we see others fail or fall we just lend them our ears and tell them is ok.is not that hard is not the end.we wonder why others can fail or not know how to do things that are seemingly simple and idiot proof.
kind of confuse yeah?
All I want to say is we can never really truly know how another person feel the happiness or sadness.we can easily say i know it is terrible i have been through it.but what each and everyone of us been through is really different.even if we fail in the same things.we still feel different.we have to remmeber we have our own expectation of ourself and it is different for all as we all go through different things.
for the pass 19 years i can say i never felt like a failure ,really.getting straight A for all my math and sciences knowing that i cant score for my languages but i can still exceed what i expect myself to get.even in sports and fitness i know clearly where i am good and where i sux thus i don feel bad when i am like a noob.but ever since entering the army,this is the 2nd time i felt so depress.1st time was during bmt,looking forward to it nd wanting to chiong for ocs only to give up at the end.well giving up cause i know i couldnot make it but is the 1st time i felt so bad.
after i kind of recover after going to a slack vocation and a good army life that is ahead of me i got kinda of stress out and depress again.this time round because of a fucking driving license.1st time in my life where i really put in effort and still fail not once but 4 times and still counting.and worst is this is not even the real test but is just a assessment to see if i am ready for the real thing.dam it i m ay feel ok and alright during the day and everything but when i return to the almost empty bunnk i just feel very bad.looking to my right there is no one there.how bad can that be.it really sux the feeling and i really want to shout it out and talk to someone about this.maybe i am just not that great as what i thought i am and what others think of me my friends.wel all i hope now is i can get over this soon.hope i can get support from people soon.
just let me cry pls.
well been like more then a month again since i last blog.well just went for a secion outing ytd and jason asked if anyone have any blog.well din say i have one as it was so dead.so thought maybe i should just write one post now about my army life so fasr.
well 11 april the day i got enlisted 2 weeks of confinement and is over as soon as it begin.i miss it.
well glad i got into a good section,as in everyone is quite good.no fucked up people like some .. in section 1 and 2.lol.but now is the 3ed week of my bmt and i am starting to love army more and more.crap going crazy people say.well now i want to sign on as navy officer.but that is if i can make it to ocs.and it means a silver for my ippt.also means my 2.4 fuck!!
well went to watch iron man on wed night at like 2 am?fuck don wan to say wat fucked up that day but it end up quite good that day.well almost 24 hours of no sleep.and all i have is just 7 hrs of sleep and i am awake again.hmm.thanks to army.well nect book in will be another 2 weeks and i think i will enjoy it.but hat field campo kinda reminds me of my jc life.how all my things crash on the same day.this field camp i got my nus interview for double degree crash and next my incitation for tea for ntu double degree in computing and business.how great is it.well but i can still go back for my collge day to get my 2 awards wahahah not bad eh.getting 2 awards.like one of those bright stars.
well my worst fears in bmt is just running.my leg never seem to heal.3 days of not runni gand now when i just run a little my leg hurts again.haiz think i gonna go run again tonight.
well thats all for now.maybe i will blog again about my field camp.
been so long again since my last entry.well my job as a chef is now over as of last sunday 2nd march 2008.a day i wont forget.a childhood dream and a possible future.well being a chef for one and a half month is really a big learning opportunity for me.learning herbs that i thought i will never know.and preparation of food that become delicacies.mainly beef patty that i make haha.well 3 month of working experience is really a big learning period.enough things i learn to compare with my 12 years of education.well should just post pictures of my "teachers"which i learn and will never forget.
my sous chef denis.
the other sous chef kenneth
the third sous chef justin
one of the chef desmond
same as me a trainee and also my manager raymond
the famous AH lam chicken rice chef
alright today is the judgement day where our results are out.school probably got it now.hope i did ok with the min 3 A i set for myself.cant seem to sleep and vedry stress out now.slept at 230 and wake up at 7.and just cant sleep again.in 5hrs plus the result will be out.OMG.just dam stress and scared now.
hope i don let anyone down and wish everyone that is taking the result today to do well
oh well so much have past since my last post.really long.just some things to add on and my thoughts.well 1st job i get was being a waiter one month of it and i learn many things.not just on the job but on life.2nd job was in the same restaurant but as a chef u can say.hmm a great experience for me.not many people can get this chance like me i guess.a childhood dream a goal i like.
but now i have a change in my dream.i don really wanna con be a chef i wanna open up one restaurant and be the boss.don really like people that are not that better then me or in fact those that are ........ well no words to say.learn alot about working life.how those people ha a below suffer.where every one above give a diff order or thing to do and well u just cannot argue back.not that i cant but i don wan to cause a rift between them.well what i exp now will not go into waste.i decide to cont with my goal to start up my own business or with frens.don wan to work for others again.be my own boss no matter what.good confidence?
oh ya Chinese new year is here and this is really special.well learn few more things again to say and well some special i is thats all o say.
Have you ever feel that they is so much u want to do when you have no time.but the moment u cleared the main task,there is nothing left to do.so much yet so nothing.well for eighteen years a that is being done is like a template.well start of with nursery for some,proceed on to kindergarten ,followed by primary school and secondary finally end with jc or poly before we really start to think.what am i going to do for life?what is my aim?12 years of math and science,studied almost all types.get your A's and end of the day whats the use of this knowledge that we acquire?so what if we know what is force?what is differentiation?E=MC^2?does it really apply to our life.do we actually calculate the angle and strength used when we throw the basketball?
I feel that education as we have learn leads to development of our country our future.but is it really that important?we want to get rich,get a beautiful or handsome spouse,be famous ,get powerful.but why do we really want them for?a new era a new way of life.but money and power is one that never change.but is it really that important?that useful?past empires or business corporation the 1st generation work and slog their life out to get it.enjoying little of the benefits.the second generation start with a good life and half of them start to weaken,he other half have to carry on the family tradition even if it is not their interest.up to the 3rd generation the famly gets too big and family strife start to happen.well is there relly any enjoyment in all this?perhaps to some this is their goal in life.
well i have 4 months more to go before my ns enlistment.and after that i have another 18 months.well that make it 2 years to start think about my goal in life.what i want in life.to set up a business.to pursue my interest to waste my life away?find a girl of my dream?I have to start searching for pieces of my life,to fill my empty soul.wasted 18 years but i am not gonna waste another 18.
hope i could find them soon,and to everyone that is lost like me now